You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
