So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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