It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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