I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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