nut hugger
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
