hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
