Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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