Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
