you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
