My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
