I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
