I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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