WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
