I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
