hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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