He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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