I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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