My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
