eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
