My friends, they love my intelligence
True but thats because hes a fetus.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
