I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
