I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My liver just broke up with me...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
