If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
