Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
