How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
