I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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