Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize