so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
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I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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