he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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