I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
