Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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