It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
