i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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