Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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