Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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