We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
