Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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