she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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