I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
