Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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