Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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