We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
