Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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