Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
