Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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