i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
