U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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