I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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