Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
