i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
