before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
