I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
