so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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