Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
