I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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