Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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