apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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