Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
