Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
