I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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