Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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