Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
