do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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