just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
