im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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