its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
