at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
