Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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