I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
