no, he came in my armpit
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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