I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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