If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
