Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
